I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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