Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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