Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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