It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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