I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize