I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize