His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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