Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize