I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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