these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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