have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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