Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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