The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize