just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
where are you?
Hypothermia
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I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize