the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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