Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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