Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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