i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
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You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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