It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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