im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think people are normalizing furries
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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