when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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