Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize