ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
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I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
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I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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