pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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