I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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