That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
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NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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