so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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