so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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