My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize