How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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