My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
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You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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