Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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