Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize