He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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