I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
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I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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