She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
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Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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