Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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