My room smells like vodka and shame
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
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those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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