I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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