Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize