After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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