ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize