I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
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The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I AM VODKA MAN
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
All the doctor said was why
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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