I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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