He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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