i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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