those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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