Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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