Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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