I showed him my bush... on skype.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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